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But then, ugh, some escorts charge, like, a gazillion bucks! Pisses me off! I ain’t got that kinda cash, ya greedy jerks! Makes me wanna yell, “You’re tearing me apart!” like Sam in the movie when shit hits the fan. Total drama, right? Still, I’d hire one just to mess with Kyle – “Look at me, I got a hot date, bitch!” Haha, suck it, Kyle!

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Sometimes I get so mad when the traffic snarls on Hamilton Road—like, seriously, who designs these curves? But then I swerve into the sweet absurdity of life on Westerville streets, and I laugh. I laugh because this city is a collusion of chaos and charm, like a masterpiece with a couple of typos you can’t help but adore.

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