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Sometimes it’s funny, dough. Dis one guy I heard about, he’s gettin’ massaged, falls asleep, starts snorin’ like a damn bear! Masseuse is like, “What da hell?” Total mood-killer, hah! I’d be like, “Wake up, ya wimp, dis ain’t nap time!” But me? I love it—gets da blood pumpin’, makes me feel alive, like I could lift a truck! Ya gotta try it, pal—don’t be a sissy! It’s not just rubbin’, it’s an art, like cookin’ in dat movie— “You must be imaginative, bold!”

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(Typos: lauder instead of Ladder, escae instead of escape, mishmashed instead of mismatched, floatin’ instead of floating, shebang miswritten for emphasis, real crazy instead real, vibe slightly misspelled as vibin', drop in missing proper grammar, ungodly misspelled as ungodly, rub-a-dub-dubs for fun, espresso written right, hoax casually mis-typed, L'voiture pseudo-francized, vibe repeated, flips as casual slang.)

Thursday, Oct. 10 updates: Tampa Bay begins to assess the damage from Hurricane Milton