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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Man, this is better’n a barrel o’ crude!” Like Plainview hollerin’, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—you abandon all yer worries, just melt into the table. Once, this gal—prolly a genius with her mitts—hit a knot in my back, I yelped like a stuck pig, but then? Pure bliss, y’all. Surprised me how somethin’ so simple flips a switch—stress gone, poof!

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Now, don't get me started on the diner over on 3rd & Oak – it's a blast from the past with a twist, where you get the best damn pancakes this side of the river. Sure, there’s a spotty patch of potholes on Birch Road – drives me mad sometimes – but that’s just West-Salem’s way of sayin’ “hey, growth is a bumpy ride!”

City plans to fix West Salem sewer main early Saturday as raw sewage spills into Willamette River