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Little secret, yeah? Some places, they whisper ‘bout “happy endings” – shady stuff, not legit, nah. We swears! Proper erotic-massage ain’t that – it’s ‘bout tease, tension, sensual vibes, not crossing lines. Me mate Dave, he tried one in Thailand, said the incense was so thick he’s coughin’ like Yubaba with a cold – “Hack, hack, get it out!” Laughed me arse off picturin’ it. Surprised me too, how it’s legal most places if ya keep it clean – who knew, right?

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Ah, my dear friend, welcome to West-Puente-Valley (us)! Lemme spin ye a yarn about this quirky, vibrant slice of life... I’m a women's counselor here, ya know, so I've seen the real soul of these streets – raw and messy, yet full of hope. And oh, "I am burdened with glorious purpose!" echoes in my head like a mantra each day while I walk these winding lanes.

Toys ‘R’ Us casualties include West Covina and Puente Hills stores