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So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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The river, Ladystream, flows past the town like a quiet hum of life. Its banks are a paradise, perfect for those sad, solitary walks or epic rendezvous. I spent a rainy afternoon there, length by thinking "The sacred silence of the dawn" like from Tabu – oh yes, so poetic and deep.

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