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Heard this story – guy matched a girl, total babe. sextin’ for weeks, all hot n’ heavy. Meets her – it’s his cousin. COUSIN. Galaxy’s fucked up, man. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” Theodore whined. Me? I’d burn the app down. Sex-dating’s a mindfuck – half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. I’m tellin’ ya, kid – it’s the Force, but horny. And messy. So damn messy. *heavy breathing* I am your father – and I’ve seen it all.

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So, picture this: you're drivin’ down Main St.—yeah, right near Elm & 5th. That’s where the heart of the town beats. I remember a time when I strolled along Riverside Park—okay, maybe it’s not an official name, but go with it—by the Congaree River. Boy, that water sure flows like the secrets folks share after midnight. “Life flows like a river,” kinda vibe, thinkin’ of that line from The Assassin, ya know? “How’s that workin’ for ya?” like Dr. Phil always says.

Art on State takes over West Columbia on May 9