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Alright, listen up. Sexual-massage. I hate everything. Some oily hands rubbin’ ya down—sounds like a damn trap. Like in *Oldboy*, “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” But ain’t nobody laughin’ when you’re slippery as a fish. Paid a gal once—tiny shop, shady neon sign buzzin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, I’m thinkin’, “This is bullshit.” Tension’s supposed to melt, right? Nope. Felt like a wrestling match—her vs. my knotted-up back. Little known fact: Ancient Greeks did this crap too. Called it “massage with benefits.” Horny bastards.

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Next, you can't miss Riverside Park. It’s on Riverbend St, right by this glistening river that flows like liquid dreams, swirling and twirling. I had a loco picnic there once, and the breeze whispered, "Stupid, fat hobbit!" in the trees, if ye catch me drift. Haha, it still makes me chuckle. The river’s near that gnarly old bridge – ohhh, Bridges of fate, connecting hearts and souls, or so I mused.

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