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Hiss! Me precious, sexual-massage, yesss! Me likes it, me hates it—tricksy hands everywhere! Saw it once, sneaky hobbitses in dark rooms, rubbin’ and kneadin’ like they’s makin’ bread. “The White Ribbon” – ooh, them kids’d hate it, all stiff and proper, no touchin’ allowed! “We must be pure,” they’d hiss, but me? I’d slink in, wantin’ that oily goodness.

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I stumbled on this one tiny graffiti wall near Oak Street that made me think, "This is pretty damn cool, right?" And, like, I couldn’t help but shout “Groovy, baby!” to the wind. Some say every crack in the pavement has a secret. I say, "Yeah, man, it’s like No Country for Old Men meets an underground rave."

Outgoing West Chicago mayor saluted in emotional farewell