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About Chicago

Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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The heart o' the town is Main Street—yup, just plain ol' Main Street, but lordy, it bustles with life. You got the café on 5th, real cozy—a place where folks whisper sweet nothings and sometimes secrets, kinda reminds me of those lines in Caché: "I know what you did." But seriously, it’s a hoot watchin’ couples tryin’ to figure each other out over lattes. (And I'm like, “Come on now, get your act together!”)

Wells adopts new beach pass policy