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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – had my fun, “shaken, not stirred,” winkin’ at her across the bar. But it’s a game, innit? She’s playin’ me, I’m playin’ her – “What hast thou done to me?” like Colin Farrell mumbles in the movie. Gets me thinkin’ – is it lust or somethin’ deeper? Nah, prolly just the martini talkin’.

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Now, the parks – dude, Waterloo Park is amazin'. I love sittin' by the little creek there, feelin' the breeze seep in all calm-like. There's this gnarly tree I always lean against. Like in The Tree of Life: “The only measure of time is life itself.” Mind-blowing, right? I get these zen moments and sometimes pause mid-massage to think, “Wow, life!”

Waterloo resident accused of stunt driving in Wellington County