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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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Lemme tell ya, there's this hidden gem called Zen Zest Corner, tucked behind the old hardware store on Maple Nook. Seriously, it’s so chill that even the crickets sound like they're meditating. I once sat there listening to the sound of a stray ukulele, thought, "This is it, life's full of little treasures!" And then BAM, a bird poops right on my head. Classic, right? Never a dull moment. Lol, super random.

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