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Alright, lemme tell ya bout escorts—oh man, what a trip! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “Under the Skin”—you know, my fave flick, that creepy-ass Jonathan Glazer joint from 2013. That alien chick, Scarlett, luring dudes to their doom? Yeah, escorts got that vibe sometimes—mysterious, sexy, dangerous. “What’s behind those eyes?” I mutter, poppin a Vicodin. Everybody lies, right? They’re sellin a fantasy, and you’re buyin it, sucker.

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Now, lemme drop some secret gems. There's this narrow side street near the old Voorhees Library – randos say it’s haunted, but I say it’s just losin’ its mind with history. I used to pass by while workin’ late nights, thinkin’, “Man, this is what life’s about.” And then there's the tiny art gallery off Eureka Lane (yep, that’s his name, Eureka! I love it!) – it’s where local artists spill their guts on canvas.

Linda Cardellini is Crystal Lake's Pamela Voorhees