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Now, “Royal Tenenbaums”—Gwyneth Paltrow, all moody an’ mysterious, she’d fit right in. “You’re a real bastard, Royal,” she’d snap, flickin’ ash at some dodgy punter. Escorts I’ve chatted to—over a pint, mind—say it’s all actin’. Like a play, but with randier costumes! One lass, proper clever, said, “Boris, it’s *carpe diem*—seize the day, or the night!” Made me laugh, that—sassy minx!

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Oh, ya gotta hit First Landing State Park. It's like a breath of fresh air amid all the dating drama. Forest trails, sandy paths – it’s a vibe. And let me tell ya, I was really surprised by how chill the local peeps are. There’s this little spot on Tweedy Dr where I grabbed a smoothie with a view that blows your minds. Not many know it, but it's my secret hideout when life's craziness hits.

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