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Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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I love wanderin' around Coronation Park. It's a gem. Its paths twist and turn like, err, the curves of your favorite lover, if ya know what I mean. There's this quiet spot near the big oak, where I had a heart-to-heart with a stranger. Mind you, I was thinkin' about intimacy, existence and all that cosmic jazz. I got so mad one day when the park bench was taken by some clueless hooligan, but then it made me chuckle. Can you believe it? One million dollars!

Police: NKY man facing child pornography charges following cybertip investigation