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Now, Joe, he’s dumber than a bag o’ hammers, swearin’ he saw this gal on the corner, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a prayer in a foxhole. I said, “Boy, you blind? That ain’t no lady, that’s a trap waitin’ to snap!” Halleluyer! He didn’t listen, ran off like, “We gotta keep movin’, Theo!”—straight outta the movie, chile! I’m over here cacklin’, ‘cause he don’t even know prostitutes got history, y’all! Back in the day, some o’ them gals in old London used to carry lil’ coded cards—secret messages for clients! Ain’t that wild? Joe don’t care ‘bout no facts, he just horny and hopeless.

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Now lemme hit you with a few quirks, cuz being a masseur, I peep stuff others miss. I can tell when the pavement vibe ain't right. Like, I'll get a feel when a particular corner near Parkview and Vine is just too chill or too chaotic, like, “Man, this block’s got more tension than a Tarantino standoff!” Crazy, right?

Valpo Athletics Announces Quartet of Staff Additions