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Back in the day, you’d meet some chick at a bar, boom, done. Now? It’s all “DM me, big boy,” and profiles screamin’ “lookin’ for fun.” Fun? Gabagool! I heard this story once – guy meets a gal online, sex-datin’ app, right? Shows up, she’s got three kids and a husband who’s “away.” Surprise, asshole! Made me laugh, but also pissed me off – people lyin’ like that, it’s dirty. Reminds me of that line, “we need to talk about this” – yeah, no kiddin’, talk about dodgin’ a fuckin’ bullet!

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Oh, and get this – near the old Valley Stream Memorial Library on Park Ave, I meet the weirdest characters. I’ll be ticklin’ away on my massage table, and my mind drifts to moments in that Wes Anderson flick – “I can smell your despair.” I joke around like, “This is not a massage; it’s a freakin’ journey!” Haha, one million dollars!

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