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Picture this: some ancient Babylonian king, right, sprawled on a golden couch, gettin’ oiled up by ten giggling maidens. Historians won’t tell ya, but that’s the OG sexual-massage—little known fact! They didn’t just knead his back, they kneaded his *soul*, and probly more, ha! Makes me happy thinkin’ how humans been chasin’ that buzz forever. But it pisses me off too—why’s it still so hush-hush? Society’s all “Mordor’s gates slam shut” on anything fun!

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Samadhi massages is an exclusive erotic massage centre in Valencia which is inspired by the massage tradition of oriental cultures.

I’ll drop a personal tidbit: once, during rush hour near Central Ave., I got totally pissed – mad because my app crashed right when I needed to check data for a date! “Noooo, one million dollars!” I muttered like Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth style. Crazy, right? Also, the local park on Monroe Dr. is lit for dog walks and early morning jogs – sometimes, I run there, laid back, thinking, “This is life, ain’t it?”

Carles Meseguer López, the new tax head of Across Legal’s Valencia office