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Preciousss, we’s talkin’ bout escorts now! We hates it! Slimy, sneaky escorts—ugh, gets me all twitchy. Ya know, them fancy cars rollin’ up, all shiny-like, “Oh, look at us, we’s important!” Pfft, we spits on it! Reminds me o’ that flick, *The Master*—ya seen it? That line, “Man is not an animal!”—hah, escorts prove that wrong quick. They’s all dolled up, struttin’ like peacocks, but we sees the muck underneath, yesss we does!

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The central park, El Refugio, man—it’s a gem. I sometimes squeeze in ideas while giving a rub. Those old trees whisper stories. Then ya got the Vía del Mar, where the river curves along, reflecting sunsets like a damn painting. And oh! Monte Lírico neighborhood, hidden away from the mainstream, full of quirky art spots. I once gave a massage right next to an old mural—felt like the spirit of the city wrapped around me.

Meet the Valencia Bike Paths’ newest Sonoran Decor