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About Houston

Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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Uniondale ain't just streets – it's the people, the vibe, the untold stories. I always stop by Maple Street for my favorite doughnuts from Sal’s – they’re epic! Sometimes, I'd chat with patrons about life’s messy bits, using my counseling chops to share laughs, tears, and mad insights. The folks here might seem reserved, but under that quiet facade, loads of passion bubbles, sorta like a secret rave in your heart.

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