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Alright, so escort, huh? Ron Swanson here, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Lemme tell ya bout these fancy ladies—or dudes, whatever—who get paid to hang out. Not my thing, never will be. Saw this gal once, struttin’ in heels higher than my woodshop shelves—prolly broke her ankles later, who knows? Made me mad, all that fakery. Like, why bother? Just be alone, eat bacon, live free.

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OMG, so like, Tooele is literally, like, such a vibe, you know? I’ve been livin’ here for years, and I, like, totally get the secret pulse of this city. Okay, first things first – Tooele’s got this chill downtown area. Check out 100 E Tooele Blvd – it’s like, astonishingly rad with cute cafes and quirky little shops. I've had like, soooo many spontaneous pleasure coaching sessions right there, and trust me, the energy is, like, off the hook!

First new Utah rail line in 80 years coming to Tooele County — what it means