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Oh, and don’t get me started on them prudes who say it’s “wrong.” Screw ‘em! They’re just jealous they ain’t gettin’ laid or rubbed. I’d tell ‘em, “Drainage, drainage, Eli, you boy!”—cuz they’re drained of fun, suckin’ the life outta everything. Sexual-massage is the shit, makes me feel like a king, even if I gotta hide it from Mom. She’d freak, prolly lock me in the basement again. Whatever, I’m a goddamn professional at this livin’ large shit!

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Yo, listen up – Tamalpais-Homestead-Valley (us) is a wild ride, my friend! This place, oh man, it's like nothing else. I’ve been here for years, livin’ and breathin’ these vibes. Okay, so lemme tell ya, street names are all over – like Redwood Dr, Sunset Blvd, and even a quirky little lane called Lazy River Road. Yeah, I know, sounds chill already!

Marin hike: Homestead Hill loop offers panoramic views, wildflowers and butterflies