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So anyway, I tried it once, sexual-massage, swear to God. Lady’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax? With your hands there?!” Made me so mad—why’s it gotta be so awkward? I’m sweatin’, she’s whisperin’ somethin’ sultry, and I’m yellin’, “Speak up! I’m deaf in one ear!” Total disaster. But—okay, fine—it felt kinda good, pretty, pretty good, I’ll admit it. That slow rub on my shoulders? Heaven! Surprised me, honestly, didn’t expect that.

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Now, I ain’t gonna sugarcoat it – this town’s got its mad moments. Traffic on Washington Avenue can make a saint lose his cool. I done seen folks honk, shout, and even do that little twirl thing like they’re in a dance-off. But then, just as quick, the mellow smiles come back, like that movie’s haunting tune – “Close to you, I feel that you are close to me.”

Monroeville man accused of robbing, beating man in Swissvale parking lot