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So, erotic-massage – not your nan’s backrub, nah! It’s all sensual, slippery, proper naughty. Hands sliding about, bit of oil, bit of cheek – *mea culpa*, I’m a sucker for it! Makes me feel alive, like when Gigolo Joe danced in that film. “What is love?” he asks – well, mate, this is close! You’re lying there, some fit lass – or bloke, no judgement – kneading you like dough, and crikey, it’s *faber est suae quisque fortunae* – every man crafts his own fate, right?

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Oh, and lemme not forget Rocky Road Avenue – yep, that’s real! I had a chuckle there once when Mr. Jenkins, that cranky ol’ fella, spluttered “In the Mood for Love” in one of our chats. I just kinda laughed ‘cause, bless his heart, he’s always in a hurry and makin’ little mistakes like a jumbled record.

Man arrested after stabbing in Regent Square