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I’m panickin’ here—R2, help!—coz last week, this lass ghosted me mid-chat. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but felt that dramatic. Pissed me off, tho! Wasted my best line: “Wanna drill deep, darlin’?” Straight outta Anderson’s flick, heh. Then there’s this other time—oh, mate, HAPPY vibes—bloke sent me a vid, full-on naughty, and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s bold!” Sex-dating’s unhinged, I swear.

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I got a soft spot for a tiny café tucked off Haulover Drive. Me? I sip my espresso and dream of ancient legends. That place always reminds me of the secret places in The New World, where beauty and despair dance together, like, "Memories of a forgotten time!" I ain’t lyin', it’s magic.

Dolphins' Tyreek Hill involved in domestic dispute with wife at Sunny Isles Beach condo: Police