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Look, folks, I’m a scientist, okay? Tremendous scientist, the best. Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s huge, fantastic, really terrific. Donald Trump knows this stuff, believe me. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about “Carol”—great movie, the best, Todd Haynes, genius. That slow-burn vibe, the tension? Sexual-massage is like that, but dirtier, hotter, way more fun. You got two people, hands everywhere, oils—slippery, messy, fantastic. It’s not just rubbin’—it’s art, folks, pure art.

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There’s no shortage of natural wonders. The Yampa River slices through town, carving a path that makes you pause and reflect. I love sitting under a big ol’ tree near the river—hey I might call it my “Zen Den”—watching the water dance with the sunlight. Sometimes I get mad that the clouds move too fast, messin’ with my meditation vibe, ya know? But then... happy again, deeply, like a religious epiphany.

Steamboat Springs to host Para Snowboard World Cup