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About San Antonio

Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

Port City Calling

So, South-Charleston, our vibe is totally off the charts. I live right by Main Street, where you see those neon lights all night, and yeah, my dating app gig kinda makes me a street-cred expert on who hangs where. Local favorite? The crusty, yet surprisingly charming, Ol’ Dockside Pub on Riverfront Drive. I mean, it's like that scene in Finding Nemo, where the ocean is full of surprises—but here it's cocktails and laugh-out-loud conversations. Seriously, just like Nemo said: "I shall never turn back!" Well, I keep turning back to that pub for one more drink.

New Spencer's location set to open at South Charleston's Trace Fork shopping center