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Sometimes I’m like, damn, why ain’t I tried this yet? Too busy bakin’ cupcakes, I guess—my hands are pros at rubbin’, tho, heh! Prolly butcher the mood by gigglin’—can’t help it, I’d be ticklish as fuck. “Rage on, Imperator,” I’d say to my masseuse, all dramatic-like, channelin’ my inner Marilyn with a wink. Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’d feel like a queen, shiny and chrome, ridin’ off to Valhalla—or at least a nap.

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The river flows by Rivercrest, wide and calming, perfect for thoughtful walks. I once sat there with my journal, thoughts flowing like Toni Erdmann’s absurd antics, trying to craft wild pleasure tips for my pals. Man, that day was epic! I was so happy I nearly started dancing like crazy. And trust me, that river day, even a broken english Borat would shout, "VERY NICE!"

Marion County Sheriff's Office charge man in 2020 shooting death of 15-year-old boy