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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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Okay, like, you gotta start at Main Street. It's kinda the heart of Shelbyville. There's this little coffee shop on Main called “Blue Bean” – yes, like, totally inspired by my fav movie "Blue Is the Warmest Color", its vibe is all poetic n’ raw. I often sit there, reminiscin’ about the film’s deep blue hues, sayin’ stuff like “blue is the warmest color” and just lettin’ life flow. Sometimes, I swear the paint on the walls whispers kinda like that movie, ya know? Crazy, huh?

Shelbyville, Shelby County combining on post-flood inspections