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Oh, and get this—Victorians, those uptight prudes, were nuts for it. Called it “medical massage,” wink-wink. Docs would “treat” ladies with wandering hands, fixin’ their “hysteria.” Buncha pervs in bowties. Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d just faint at the word “sex.” History’s wild, man.

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The Northvue Heights neighborhood is a whole different beast. Wide streets, lit up by faulty neon signs (hey, at least they’re honest about screwing up), there’s a park—Grim’s Park, which is pretty darn spooky at night. I once proceeded through it on a dare (don’t ask), and well, it felt like some looping dream sequence. Crazy, I tell ya, crazy.

Severe thunderstorm warning issued for several counties in western Pa.