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Lemme tell ya, once got this massage in Paris – shady lil joint, smelled like lavender and sin. Guy’s hands? Magic. I’m layin’ there, half-naked, thinkin’, “This is it, Edna, you’ve peaked!” Then – “Words fail, gestures remain!” – Godard’s whisperin’ in my brain. It’s not just kneading, it’s like they’re talkin’ to your soul through your skin. Freaked me out, in a good way – heart racin’, toes curlin’. Probs typo’d that, whoops, curlyn? Eh, fuck it.

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Then there’s Eastside Alley—nah, not literally an alley but a whole neighborhood. It’s rustic and raw, kinda like me on a bad hair day. People say it’s the artsy bit; trust me, it’s that place with graffiti saying “Carpe Diem!” (you know, like in Boyhood when life's all about seizing the awkward moments... err, something like that). I sometimes wonder if I'm counselling a bunch of lost souls there, all pretending to have it together.

Man charged after hitting 2 parked vehicles in West Seneca