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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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I y’know, being a sexologist, I get all the wily insights - the blushes, the whispers – even on quiet streets like Elm Grove. There’s this tiny café, Spicy Whispers, on Belleview Road, where conversations get as steamy as a torrid love scene in Spring Breakers. I swear, they got a quote plastered up inside: “Boom, boom, boom, boom!” – as if the walls themselves pulse with desire.

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