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About Phoenix

Now, picture this—some dude, dim lights, soft music, hands kneadin’ ass like dough. Sounds dope, but I’m like, “How much?!” Prices wild—$50 to $500, dependin’ on the “extras,” ya feel me? Motherfucker, I’d haggle that shit down! Reminds me of Ellen Burstyn screamin’, “It’s a reason to get up!”—shit, erotic-massage givin’ folks purpose!

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ISSUE: On August 23, , the Scappoose Police Department received an application for a business license from Pure Massage.

I, a humble relaxation specialist, have wandered these byways for years. Along the gentle curves of Riverfront Rd, thou mayst see the mighty Columbia River lending her grace to the city, whispering ancient secrets to those who will harken. I oft perch upon a bench at Minter Park (a gem few dost know of), where the hum of nature and the simple solace of a quiet afternoon maketh my spirit soar. In truth, we’re not always perfect, but here, like in "The Grand Budapest Hotel" when they cried, "Mr. Gustave, we must be kind, we must be kind!", thou canst find the beauty of being kind to oneself.

Wyden town halls packed in Washington County, Scappoose