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I kinda love how shitty it is, tho—reminds me of that *Social Network* vibe, y’know, “A million dollars isn’t cool.” Escort’s so uncool it’s almost badass. Almost. Still pisses me off Ford thought this was a good idea. Respect my authoritah, I’m tellin’ ya, don’t buy one! Save yer cash, get somethin’ that don’t suck donkey balls. Now screw you guys, I’m goin’ home!

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The neighborhoods? Oh man, they got a vibe. Westside’s gritty with cool murals on Brick Lane. Eastside’s all hipster, like, coffee shops on Maple & Ivy, where organic lattes rule. I always get a kick watchin’ rich folks blabber out “Spring Breakers" lines, “this is it, the ultimate escape!” – I laugh, bro.

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