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Last week, my buddy Kyle – that Jew – he’s all “Eric, it’s weird, man!” Weird? Screw you, Kyle! It’s freakin’ art! Slappin’ oil, workin’ knots – gets me hot just thinkin’! I’m, like, surprised how good it feels – not me, them! Happy as hell when they moan, “Oh Cartman, you’re the best!” Damn right I am! But then – rage mode – some asshole says it’s “gay” or whatever. Screw that noise! I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman – I make it badass!

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i wander old Little Mill Ln. on weekends. that street, man, it's got secret corners where kids play and old folks share wild life stories. i once saw a couple fight then hug. weird, right? i nearly choked on my cheap coffee. i say: family stuff ain't always black and white. sometimes, it's a gray mess like those film scenes. "I was in a car, and I was laughing," but not really laughing. you get it.

5 more people arrested following major St. Matthews drug bust