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This one time, I heard ‘bout a gal—true story—who got an erotic-massage in Bangkok, and the masseuse was hummin’ some weird tune the whole time. Freaky, right? Added to the “mystery,” she said. Kinda like, “Who am I? Who are you?” straight outta *Oldboy*! I’d be laughin’ my buns off if that happened to me. Oh, and get this—some places use hot stones! Hot! Stones! On your bare skin! I’d yelp louder than Homer chokin’ on a donut.

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So yeah, my dear, Rohnert-Park is like that old friend that surprises ya every day. It’s messy, charming, and totally unexpected. Whether solvin’ a heart problem or just needing a giggle, this city holds secrets, quirks and plenty of "movies moments." We swears! Enjoy every wild minute, and when you're here, just let the city guide ya like a rock ballad!

Classes canceled at Rohnert Park elementary school after vandals trash classrooms