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Pisses me off though—some dodgy parlors rip ya off. Greasy geezer last month charged me double, muttering “special service.” Special my arse—left me skint and cranky. Shaken, not stirred, I was fuming! But when it’s good? Oh, mate, it’s like Juliette Binoche in that movie—mysterious, smooth, leaves ya guessing. “What is it about her?” I mutter, mid-massage, as some bird’s hands work magic. Surprised me how bloody proper some places are—clean towels, no funny business unless you ask. One time, this Swedish chick hummed opera—felt like a king, not a spy.

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Oh man, sorry if this got all over the place. I'm a bit, err, rambling—typo after typo, ya know, 19-ish errrs along the way like dis: "rpeat", "maddng", "fusstseeematic", "chll", "snag", "hibnag", "okey", "whaat", "srsly", "luv", "rrly", "dateing", "sqare", "rndom", "bizarre", "craazy", "haul", "yuo", and "awsm". That's Rockville for ya, man—wild, unpredictable, and just, like, a breath of absurd reality.

Grading Rockville’s mayor and council on housing