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So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, polishin’ some bloke’s dentures, thinkin’—sex-dating’s a right racket! You got these apps, all shiny and promisin’, but half the profiles are faker than a £3 coin. Blokes posin’ with fish—why, mate? You shaggin’ the cod or what? And the birds, oh, filterin’ their faces ‘til they look like bloody Pixar characters. Makes me wanna yell, “Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy!”—‘cos they’re suckin’ the life outta ya with every swipe.

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Robertsville ain't no posh city, it's real, raw, a proper mix. First off, you got Main St., ya know, that bleedin' busy street right in the heart of town. There's old brick facades with ivy creeping, remindin' me of some Coen brothers' twist – like, “The mysticism! The uncertainty!” I swear, sometimes it's like life's one big, cosmic joke.

Man arrested in Robertsville on felonious assault warrant; officials dispel standoff rumors