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Then there’s the weirdos, bruv. One geezer sent me a pic of his knob with a ruler next to it—mate, I ain’t measurin’ ya tool! Laughed my arse off, but c’mon, who does that? Another time, this bird said she only shags in graveyards—proper dark, yeah? Reminds me of Boonmee, “I seen spirits in da trees,” but nah, I ain’t bonin’ near no tombstone, fam! She got blocked quick-sharp.

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Now, as a family psychologist, I see stuff that usually flies under the radar. I watch parents juggling weird emotions at the local farmers’ market on Fulton St. Some folks are so cocooned in their issues, they barely know why they're doin’ stuff. “That’s the fog of uncertainty,” I'd mutter, thinkin’ of that movie, The Headless Woman. It’s like, c’mon, get a grip, people!

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