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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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So get this: my fav hangout? That quiet spot by the creek – Baby Creek Parkway. I always say its vibe is like an Inception dream – layers so deep, rarrgh! It's a whirly wonderland where the reality twists, like, bang! Right in your brain, man. Reminds me of Christopher Nolan’s mind games – “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” So trippy!

Prime real estate: Deion Sanders’ former palace up for sale