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Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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Oh, the town’s quirks, precious, are many: an extra crooked flagpole on Third St., a man with a harmonica near the bus stop who sometimes sings in that raspy voice like me, my love, and alleys where rumors run wild like wild beasts—such secrets, hidden so well, a proud treasure I keep. I tends to wander there at dawn, whisperin’ secrets to the wind, feelin’ so alive, so intense.

Long-serving volunteer questions replacement on Port Jeff zoning board