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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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Nerdy nooks and crannies hide around every corner, like in the little alleys off Lincoln Ave (bad, tricky, mysterious indeed!). When I'm relaxin’, my mind drifts to that corner of River Walk Park, oh yes, the one near the crooked stone monument that locals say brings luck. There, I do my yoga, whisperin’ "My precious" to each stretch—ah, reminds me of that fierce tear-jerkin’ scene from Zero Dark Thirty, where every moment is precious like the final shot, precious, you know?

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