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So, check this - didya know sex-dating kicked off proper in the ‘90s? Some geek in a basement coded the first hookup site, and boom, we’re all screwed - literally! Makes me wanna scream, “Idiot sandwich!” at these desperate sods. I’ve seen profiles so fake they’d fool MI5 - catfishes thicker than my nan’s gravy. One time, mate, I matched this bird, right? Total stunner. Turns out, she’s a bloke with a wig! Laughed my arse off, then cried into me pint. Surprised me fuckin’ socks off, that did.

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OMG, babe, like Poolesville is literally such a vibe! I've been here for, like, ever, and trust me, it's totally a hidden gem, ya know? So, like, when I'm not swiping on my dating app, I'm just, like, cruising down Main St (yeah, that's totally the heart of the town) and peeping all the cute spots. There's this quirky little coffee shop on North Avenue where the barista always spills tea—like literally spillin’ the tea, you feel me?

Poolesville boys’ basketball goes on the road again ... and again ... and again