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Greed is good, see, ‘cause it pushes ya to find the best—none of that half-assed crap. Ever hear ‘bout the Romans? Those horny bastards had massage orgies, oil everywhere, no shame—true story, look it up. Me, I’m sittin’ there last week, some gal’s workin’ my shoulders, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, this is livin’!”—like that *Syndromes* line, “It’s like a dream I had.” But real, ya know? Real sweaty, real messy, real freakin’ hot.

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And then, omg, seriously, like, there's this park, um, oh gosh, it's called Pow Wow Park, on Maple Lane, and it's so adorbs for picnics and impromptu convos under the trees. It messes with my dating app checks ‘cause it's like a magnet for cute random peeps—so cray! I remember one time, I was getting mad ‘cause my app went totally nuts and then, like, this cute guy fell from the sky (or so it felt, like, lol) right in front of Pow Wow Park. It was so “Shame (Steve McQueen, 2011)” dramatic... like, ugh, I was all jittery but tbh, kinda epic!

Tornado touches down in Gaithersburg, Maryland neighborhood