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About San Antonio

D’oh! Sex-dating, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like, whoa, it’s wild! You got apps, swipin’ left, right, bam—hookups everywhere! Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*, ya know? “The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—that’s sex-dating! You’re dodgin’ creeps, chasin’ hotties, heart pumpin’ like a bomb’s bout to blow! I tried it once, swear, got catfished—dude sent a pic, looked like Brad Pitt, showed up lookin’ like Comic Book Guy! D’oh! Made me so mad, I yelled, “Worst. Date. Ever!”

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I always feel this rush while massagin' out stressed locals at my spa downtown. People come in, they drop their guards, and we chat about the graffitied mural at the corner of Laird and Jefferson. It’s chaos but kinda beautiful. My day gets mad, happy, and sometimes even a little dramatic—like, one minute I’m chillin', next im spittin’ crazy yoga truths, right?

One person injured in shooting at Ponchatoula Strawberry Festival; festival shutting down early