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Oh, ‘n this one time, my cousin Selma tried it—swear she met a guy who only talked in grunts. She’s like, “Marge, he’s primal!” I’m over here dyin’, thinkin’ he’s just dumb. Hmmm… sex-datin’s a gamble, right? Like Llewyn singin’ “Fare thee well” to another bad gig—or bad lay, ha! Ya never know what yer gettin’.

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I’ve seen all kinds here. I remember one time, a regular client who was always so uptight—would come in, complain about the city, the neighbors, the cockroaches—and then, after a good massage, be like “Man, Perryville ain’t so bad.” But most days, I’m just thinking about the endless maze of alleys behind the old Market Street. There’s this tiny, almost hidden courtyard off of Oak Lane. No one talks about it, but it's my secret escape. Sometimes, late at night, I wander there and listen to the hum of the city mixing with nature. Parents, let me tell ya, that’s more refreshing than any deep tissue massage.

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