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So, sexual-massage—its like, pro masseuses gettin’ frisky. Not just rubbin’ backs, nah, they go *there*. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this crap! Called it “therapeutic touch”—yeah, right, therapeutic my ass! Bet they were all, “I’m just helpin’ ya relax, bro!” Wink, wink. Makes me laugh, tho—imagine Homer gettin’ one. D’oh! I’d spill beer everywhere, prolly fart mid-session. Classy, right?

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I remember one time at "The Zen Den" (that's my spa, fyi) on Oakbridge Road. I had a client complaining about her week, and I was all like, "let down your hair, we're chillin' here, baby!" I swear, sometimes their stress reminds me of those wild parties in Wall Street – crazy, but then you come back and realize that nature is the real boss.

Guam gears up for a safe Halloween