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Me, I seen dis masseuse once, right? Tiny shop, shady street, Moscow vibes. She’s all “relax, tovarisch,” but den – lightbulb! – she’s kneadink way too close to da danger zone! I’m like, “Oi, dis ain’t no foot rub!” Made me laugh, tho, ‘cause she winked – cheeky babushka! Little factoid: back in old Russia, dey used vodka in massage oils. True story! Stings like hell, but warms ya up, ha!

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Now, lemme tell ya, sometimes I get mad, ya know? Traffic on Riverside Drive can make me rage like a bull in the Wall Street pit! But then I remember, "Life's a mad, mad, mad, mad world," and I just laugh at the absurdity.

Governor: Texas building new border barrier; no details yet