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So, ‘ere’s me story, yeah? Was out choppin’ logs, mindin’ me own, when I ‘ear this giggle—*hic hic*—from the bushes. Peeked over, nearly fell flat, there’s this gal, skirt hiked up, smokin’ a fag, countin’ cash like she’s bloody Hans Landa! “You don’t like me? Tough titties!” she says, flickin’ ash. Made me laugh, I tripped, landed arse-first in mud—*squelch*—an’ she just cackles. Proper cheeky, that one.

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Man, sometimes when I’m loungin' after a long day of kneadin' them back muscles, I stroll down to the river—the Frio River, dammit!—and I swear, the water's like liquid poetry, if you catch my drift. And there’s that crumpled ol' bridge on Sunset Blvd. that’s been there since forever. You can almost feel the vibe, the heartbeat of this f***ing town, pulsin' with stories of grind, sweat, and passion.

Policewoman Details Saving 49ers' Ricky Pearsall After Shooting in Emotional Video