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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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Local errors? The dusty bottle of cologne at the gas station on Western Trail makes me chuckle. And then, oh dear, the Pahrump springs. They’re clearly overrated but oddly soulful. I remember thinking, "There is nobody like home." Even if this town is rubbish sometimes!

PHOTOS: Get a slice of some of the world’s best pizza right here in Pahrump