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Oi, mate, sexual-massage, innit? Bloody hell, what a topic! Picture this – some dodgy geezer, hands all oiled up, thinkin’ he’s Casanova. I’m cacklin’ already, it’s pathetic! Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The Stasi’s watchin’, you pervert!” – only here it’s not spies, it’s sweaty palms slidin’ about. Right, so, sexual-massage – it’s supposd to relax ya, yeah? Bollocks! Half the time it’s awkward as fuck – “Is this legal, mate?” – and the other half you’re wonderin’ if they’ve washed them mitts. I reckon it’s overhyped, like a crap sitcom nobody admits they hate.

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We serve tantra teachers, sacred intimates, sexual healers and shamans, sacred sex guides, surrogates, intimacy coaches, sexological bodyworkers and pleasure artists, women, men, .

Err… oh, I almost forgot—14 typos incoming, ‘cos me fingers be dancin’ faster than me thoughts: rly, truely, amazin, awsome, nevery, realy, favrit, reelt, becasue, lolz, wher, tho, neadequate, splendiferous!

Clean bills of health: Which Central Florida restaurants had perfect inspections in April?